Hello everyone. Anyone sitting in the front please be
mindful of the camera recording. So queer people of
color at Virginia Tech, Newman Libraries, the Office of
Multicultural Programs and Services, and the Women's Center welcomes you
all to the inaugural Intersectional Identity series events. I
am Takara Watson. I'm a new directors,
couple of family therapist at Your House in Syracuse, New York.
Um so how Romney got here actually tweeted
her around midnight um late, late night. Um
I was basically a fan girl because I was surprised
he actually tweeted me back. Um and at that
point Natasha was like, you should totally asked her
to speak first talk and then I did and then
things started happening. So thank you. Thank you
. Um an awareness campaign founded by Key Pocket E
. T. This identity series means to give visibility
to nuance, personal and professional experience about an active
print people of color Found in my Natasha cops in
2012. Q. Pocket BT aims to get faculty
, staff, students and new River Valley community members
the opportunity to understand and celebrate the diversity of being
a person of color within the L. G.
B. Plus community, your cultural, arts,
health and advocacy programming. We acknowledge the challenges and
triumph and triumph. Excuse me of racial and sexual
minorities. We envision a campus and local community that
is fully inclusive of sexual minorities of color and commit
to dismantling racism, cystic, hetero sexism and all
other forms of oppression. Um. Q. Pack
Fbt exact board recognition. Before and again, we
like to recognize them. Um, but the board
of all of whom could not unfortunately be here tonight
. However, if you are here, please stand
and be recognized. Marketing Madura Bogusky. No community
outreach chair, Monica motley Treasurer Kindle Bullock. Well
there because this is Vice president Chris Tyler. No
. And the president massage. Mhm I'm going to
introduce romy. I'm going to say a quick thing
and then she will be up here next. Um
, Robin Clinker comes to us from long beach California
. Born in Los Angeles to a mexican native american
father and german mother and raised in Pasadena California.
She learned early in life to embrace the culture,
abundance and diversity around her, exposing her life for
the world to see on Showtime's parallel words. Mommy
shared her struggles with alcohol, commitment to getting sober
, her love life and her vision. Her jewelry
line is immense gratitude that Virginia tech welcomes roomy Rory
quicker. Thank you. Can you hear me?
I don't know if this thing works. Is it
good? I'm good here here, awesome. Thank
you guys so much for having me. Um yes
, I did get tweeted in the middle of the
night and asked to come speak here and I was
honored and I do try and respond as much as
I can on social media to anybody asking any questions
about anything they've seen on television or about my story
. So when they asked, I absolutely wanted to
come, um, thank you guys. It's a
beautiful campus. I just got a tour um by
the most school spirited man I've ever met. So
, um pretty much if any of you don't know
the show that I was on, I was on
the real L. Word, which is on Showtime
, where you guys familiar with the show? Everyone
pretty much. Yeah. Okay. Um, it
was on for three years. We just ended our
last season and through my time with the show,
I revealed a lot about my life, um in
all different areas and I didn't, I know there's
a lot of questions that people have had for me
in regards to my sexuality. Um my struggle with
addiction, my love life, my family and just
where I come from. I think it's a little
difficult when you're on a television show to really,
he portrayed the way that you would like to be
, you don't get an honest chance to really tell
your story. I thought going into it, that
I would get more of an opportunity to reach out
to people that might be going through some things that
I've been through or that I was going through at
the time. And if it did help anybody,
then I'm really grateful for doing it and for being
open with my life. But to give you guys
a little bit of an idea of where I come
from, I am in long beach California. I
was raised in Pasadena um by my father, who
is Mac was is mexican. He passed away from
cancer a few years ago. Um didn't get to
know his side of the family very well. Um
he was a little bit ashamed of being mexican and
I think he felt like he would be more successful
if he tried to be white, so he never
would speak spanish around me um just to my family
and I wasn't really open to teaching me or letting
me even in on that side of the family.
My mother, who is white, is who I
spent more of my time with. Um I wish
and hope to spend more time going and researching where
my family is from and a little bit more about
my latin side. Um like I said my father
passed away a few years ago. Um so I
think it's gonna just be more of a journey to
explore that. I did do a jewelry line called
casa por vida, which was on the show and
it was just an honor of my family and my
father and my way of using my my own kind
of talents and arts to kind of connect with him
when he was gone. So I had the opportunity
of doing a beautiful line Kosovo vita and it was
dedicated to my father. Um my mother and him
were divorced when I was about six and my mother
ended up marrying a woman. So I was raised
with two moms. Um I didn't really have a
chance to get to understand what was happening when it
happened. I was pretty young so all of a
sudden My mom's marrying a woman and we're moving in
and we're about to be a family and at that
time it was when prop 22 was around and it
was just a totally different time period but it was
kind of it became my family. So I was
the girl that was going to school that had two
moms and there were no other kids in my school
at least that I knew of. Um that had
two moms. One of my mom's was very much
dressed like a man and the other one was much
more feminine, it was very obvious to anybody that
I had you know, two moms when we were
out in public, I didn't get teased, I
didn't get harassed, I was very comfortable and honored
by my family. They were an amazing family.
My mom's were very loving and they raised me to
be very open and accepting and that love was love
and it just had nothing to do with the gender
. My aunt was with a woman as well.
So I grew up with my two moms and my
aunt being with a woman and that was my family
and that's what I knew. And I had my
father and it wasn't as if I was deprived of
having my relationship with my father. I just had
extra love, had extra parents. So I had
my two moms. Um, I was raised with
two younger brothers. My father was in the Vietnam
war and sprayed with agent orange. That's what he
passed away from. So it caused a cancer in
him that he couldn't fight. And it was directly
from that and my brothers both ended up being affected
by it and had special needs. So one of
them Is a little bit slower. He's not like
retarded. The youngest one is, he's missing his
18th chromosome and they are angels in my life and
I love them to pieces and I'm so blessed to
have them. So I've had an interesting and colorful
family, um, to say the least, but
very loving, very accepting and used to not,
I guess being normal. I don't even know what
that is, but we were a family. Um
, I was with men and growing up and I
was just going to school doing my thing and slowly
and surely I started to find myself falling in love
with women came out to my family when I was
, I think in my early 20's I moved to
San Francisco and needless to say I came back with
very fund fond emotions for women. Um, so
I don't think that they could really say anything.
Considering that I was raised with two moms. I
don't, I didn't have to go through coming the
struggle of coming out, which I know a lot
of people go through and to me it's just completely
foreign. Um My family was very accepting and very
loving and it was about who I loved and it
wasn't even like a coming out for me, it
was just I love a girl right now, I
have a girlfriend, this is who I love.
Okay, moving on, it wasn't a big deal
, it wasn't something we had to announce to the
family, my whole family met my first girlfriend,
it was just accepted. And then, you know
, as time went on, the show started to
happen, um I've been dating women, I had
been dating men and just kind of exploring with my
own personal journey and you know, my young twenties
, kind of who I loved and was it a
man? Was it a woman? And didn't matter
at all if it was one or the other and
the show um happened in my life a few years
ago, they were filming in L. A.
With Whitney, who is one of the main characters
of the show and she was actually casted for the
show and I was not, I was just around
and live there and it was something that kind of
fell into my life. Um I got wrapped up
in it and had been in a relationship with her
before the show started. And this is when a
lot of things became very public for me and my
life changed, and all of the things that come
with my life were put out there for everybody to
watch and have an opinion on and probably the first
time I've ever experienced any kind of bullying and discrimination
, which I'd never had in my life. Um
I was very open with my struggle on the show
with my addiction to alcohol. I have struggled with
bipolar since I was 14 years old, and with
that came an addiction problem with alcohol. I'm having
a camera crew on you while you're trying to get
sober and figure out where in your life you are
and what you can handle and what you can't handle
. The stresses of it are, I can't even
explain, and then to have people's opinions of what
you need to be doing or how you should be
living your life for what you're doing wrong is just
, it's very difficult to go through. It was
an incredible learning experience, and I'm grateful for it
, and I got to kind of watch myself grow
up in a way and go through some things that
I don't think most people get to watch and actually
see your actions. Um so I went through that
with some of the show and I went through a
little bit of my journey just with my sexuality and
love. And I was dating a girl named Kelsey
on the show for a few for one of the
seasons and then I started to date my ex boyfriend
on the last season of the L. Word and
I actually married him. This did not go over
very well with the gay and lesbian community. So
to kind of give you an idea, I mean
, I Was raised with two moms. I had
been going to gay pride since I was like 12
years old. This was my family, this is
what I grew up with and just love. And
then I get on the show and I'm dating a
woman. It happens to be at that time in
my life. I was in love with women,
that's who I was falling in love with. And
then in the last season when Dusty, my husband
came back into my life and I decided to follow
my heart and leave my girlfriend and go and be
with him. Which thank God I did because I'm
very blessed and I love him very much and he's
been through a lot with the show and everyone's opinions
. But the show pretty much told the story of
a bisexual person being very confused and not to be
trusted. And I guess there's the stereotypes of being
greedy and not knowing what you want. And I
think that I think that we're just missing the entire
point of equality and love when we start judging people
within our community or anyone's story. I was following
my heart. I don't consider myself by order straight
or gay or anything right now. I consider myself
married and that is really the only label that I
need. And I don't think that it means it's
one of the other sex. It's that I fell
in love with the person and that person happened to
be a man this time and it could have been
a woman and it could have been a man and
you don't choose these things, your heart chooses them
. And I got so much hate from the gay
community that I had been a part of for so
many years and I have been throwing events and been
very active in my friends and everything I knew was
a part of that community. And then I stopped
being asked to show up at events and I stopped
being asked to attend any events. Anyone who was
associated with me, whether it was with my clothing
line or my jewelry line, anything that I had
tied in and kind of worked really hard for with
work was pretty much cut off. Nobody wanted to
be associated with the by girl or the girl that
was with a guy. Um, I didn't do
the show so that I could be yes, I
am a lesbian. Hear me roar. I did
the show to tell my life and tell my journey
and my personal story. And I think it's important
to realize that even within the community, everybody's different
. Everyone's story is different. And not every lesbians
the same. Not every gay person in the same
. Not every straight person is the same and the
clicks and the segregation kind of in my eyes,
I just wish would stop and it would just be
one big family. I mean, I guess that's
like asking for peace and stuff for everyone to love
each other. But it's really sad to be fighting
right now, like we are for equality and for
love, and then to watch people, even within
the community say such hurtful things, right? Such
hurtful things and and really make it I mean,
even magazines like after Alan and Otto straddle and people
had worked with for so many years, um just
ripping me apart as a person uh for nothing more
than I left my girlfriend and fell in love with
a man. And I don't think that I'm the
first person who's ever fallen in love with somebody while
I'm with someone. I don't think I'm the first
person that's ever broken up with someone, um or
broken somebody's heart, whether you're gay or straight,
you're gonna break someone's heart and you're gonna have a
heart broken, It is what it is, and
you follow your heart and you do your best to
figure out who you're supposed to be with and where
you're supposed to be. And I just happened to
put myself out there and have a camera following that
journey. And it opened up a lot of room
for discussion and opinions and and people really wanted to
give it to me, you know, I didn't
deserve to be on the show. I used the
show, I don't deserve to go to gay pride
, um, things that don't make any sense when
we are running around marching for gay rights right now
. And I think that I have every right to
attend any event that's fighting for equality and show that
I am there and I support it and I believe
in love. And I think that even just within
schools or areas where it's not as accepted, just
really being aware that even within that group to be
accepting and that they are, people are different.
Everybody is, everybody is different. Every there's not
a type of gay you can be or a type
of straight you can be. And I think just
being more aware that your friend might fall in love
with an opposite sex or your friend might fall in
love with the same sex or you might or somebody
in your family might end. It's not for anyone
to judge. I do come from a kind of
diverse family just to begin with with my father and
him being mexican and my brothers and my two moms
and then my journey and me being, I guess
I could say bisexual, but it just doesn't matter
because I think when you're married, does it really
matter what you call me? Like, I'm not
going to be available anyway. So this is what
it is. So that's kind of I've had the
opportunity to come here and speak to you guys,
which I'm so grateful that anybody even wanted to ask
me any questions and work considering any of the topics
that I had brought up on the show and not
just overlooking them because I think they're important and not
just for my story, but for anyone who's going
through it. So that's kind of how I got
here. That is the show and I'm opening up
to having any questions I'm really open. So,
if there's anything that you've seen or read or wanted
to ask me about, I would love to answer
any questions. Anyone silence. All right. Yes
. Like you out why the word? Uh huh
. Right. So I was wondering I my like
battery. Mhm. Like Mhm. Within my Right
. I think the difference. I was telling somebody
earlier, it's just like when my parents were Together
, my my mothers with a man now, so
she was with a woman for 10 years and is
now married to a man and very happy. Obviously
, you can see how fluid it is in my
family. There are no boundaries at all. Um
but I think that there is an old school thinking
and mindset to some of the community and the older
generation still has so much of a kind of a
like a wall up. Are there still boundaries that
I don't think that our generation has as much because
we've seen so so much happened and I think that
a lot of that old school thinking doesn't need to
happen anymore isn't as relevant anymore. And there's a
time where it's like when you were gay then it
was very much a click and it was like the
gay area and this is the gay place and this
is the gay thing and that's the straight and that's
the lesbian and and everything was just separated. And
I think that our parents, you know, like
that's more of their generation and I think now as
like the younger ones, it's important to just kind
of let all of it become one and not be
so separated and my I was telling someone really,
I would love to see just kind of Everybody in
one place celebrating all kinds of people not so separated
. I think it's what hurts us the most,
but I think it's different for our parents to see
that because when they were growing up and whatever they
were going through, it was a lot harder South
. Mhm. Any other questions Yeah. When you
were facing so much for you, what? Yeah
. God, you know, it's hard, I
have to say this just on a whole nother level
which which is a good thing just like internet bullying
which is happening so much whether it's a celebrity or
somebody on tv or just a person that you know
that your online verbally attacking. Um it's gotten out
of hand. I mean we all know that there's
suicides and and kids going through this every day and
elementary to high school to college is and not even
on the topics of being gay. You know,
just people really finding so much like confidence behind their
computers and just really being verbal and attacking and like
I just did not expect it. I didn't know
it was gonna happen. I thought I would be
able to follow my heart. I wasn't gonna not
fall in love with my husband because I was on
the real L. Word. I mean I guess
I was filming the show. Yes, I had
been for three years, but my heart was somewhere
. And regardless of the cameras were there, regardless
of what I was supposed to be for this show
, I was falling in love with someone and I'm
gonna be with him forever. Where's the show show's
over? So I needed to follow my heart and
by doing that, you know, I opened up
that can where everybody went online. I mean,
there were times that even with my brothers who were
affected from Agent Orange, my father where somebody was
like Agent Orange taste so good, Like they were
just directly going after my family, Just anything to
hurt me and telling me that I was a slut
or a horror and use the show and just things
that you just don't expect to have to hear on
a public level. Like it's one thing for someone
to dislike you in person, it's another thing to
have half of the community that's been behind you and
that you that I was actively involved with and a
part of just attacking me every single day. I
mean I couldn't open my facebook or twitter or any
social media, I had to stop for a minute
because it was so many negative opinions and I was
telling some of the girls earlier, my husband would
look at me, he was like, just don't
open it, just don't read it and I want
to like argue back and like, like you don't
know me, you don't understand this isn't fair.
And I'd be like, I can't believe this person
said that, and he's like, just you can't
change the minds of all these people. The best
thing that I can do or anyone can do is
just to be yourself and follow your heart and be
true to yourself. And if it doesn't please everybody
, it's not you can't do anything about it and
you have to just know who you are and be
secure. And I still show up to events today
where I know people are looking and saying things and
have their opinions and I smile and I just continue
on with my life. But I mean even if
it's not me and it's somebody that you do have
an opinion of getting online and attacking somebody is just
so childish and so hurtful and you don't know people's
lives, you don't know their hearts and you don't
know what they're going through. So I just I'm
not I'm not for it. Obviously any other questions
. Yeah, yeah. Oh, talk a little
bit about I think, and what that means to
you in terms of your multibreeder and also in terms
your sexuality, What kind of privilege you gain,
how it might be perceived as Yeah. From moving
from early, sure for the man and how that's
see what it is in the you say you kind
of touched on that. Yeah. Has it been
received? Yeah. Not, not received. Well
, I mean, I don't care. I mean
my hurts, it hurts that people are cruel to
my husband. It hurts that he had to take
such a beating for doing absolutely nothing. Um he
believes in equality. He's all for gay rights.
He wants to hang out and love and be a
part of it. And it's just you see a
man, it's hard to get a guy like that
who's so open and comfortable and then he walks into
an event and people are just glaring at him and
making him feel unwelcomed. And I take that personally
. And so it's like why? Why? I
mean he looks at me like they're really mean.
I'm like they can be, it's their opinions,
they're voicing it, they're making it very clear but
there should be men and straight people and everybody,
like I said that come together, it was not
received well and I think that we say L.
G. B. T. Q. We we
claim that were this group and then it ends up
being lesbian are gay. And where is the in
between? Where is the queer? Where is the
people that are confused? Where the people that are
still figuring it out? Where do they go?
What kind of love and what kind of place are
we giving anybody who's not sure what they are?
And it doesn't send a very good message. If
somebody who's publicly kind of confused and figuring out and
not confused in a bad way, it doesn't have
to be a bad way. But searching for who
and what person is best for them, whether the
man or woman, if I can't come to my
community for love and support, where do you think
everybody who's watching, who watches the show and sees
how it's happened to me? What girl in school
is gonna want to come out to her friends and
say, oh I might have fallen in love with
a man, I might have fallen in love with
a woman. They obviously can see with the way
that it's gone on television. It wasn't it wasn't
well received and I don't think it sends a good
message. I think that even the girls on the
show had a responsibility and whatever they decide to do
it for them, but to show you might not
like me personally as a person, that's one thing
, but to be very vocal about it being because
I'm with a man is sending the wrong message.
So I think that there's a lot of work still
to be done. Mhm. What do you make
of that? Are you cognizant of the privilege you
paint by being in a really, you know,
you identify, hmm, No. You know,
you're throughout what, especially at Oh. Mhm.
Right. Does that help you want that understanding how
that's triggering? I think people are afraid of what
they don't know. I mean we all know that
people are afraid of what they don't understand. Um
that's why we gather our friends because they're like us
, we make groups because they're like us, it
makes us feel safe. You don't have to understand
why somebody is doing what they're doing if they're not
hurting you and they're not hurting anyone, and they're
not hurting themselves, it's not for everybody to understand
. And I think what I took from it was
that I found that I can love a woman,
I could have a relationship with a woman, I
can find that person and fall in love with them
. And I think for a while there, I
closed myself off to the ability of loving men because
I was so much a part of this lesbian group
, and that just was such a bad thing to
do that. You just we're lesbians, jeremy roar
, you know, So I just didn't even think
of it. And then when it started to really
kind of be inside me that I was not exploring
, not being true to myself, not giving myself
the opportunity to kind of go anywhere if I did
have feelings for the opposite sex, you know,
and I just decided to go with it, whether
people understood it or not, I wasn't afraid of
going there, and I wasn't ashamed of going there
. I think I was really blessed to have been
raised in a family that was so loving and so
open and I know that that is not the same
case for most people and that I'm very fortunate that
my family just really preach, just love whoever you
want to love, you can bring home anyone as
long as they're a good person and they love you
and you love them. And I know a lot
of people don't have that same experience, but I
think I just benefited from the fact that I opened
my heart up and that's not for everybody. I'm
not saying that it is, but I opened my
heart up to people before I got married before I
decided to settle down. It was the world was
mine. And I was allowed to all in love
with whoever I wanted without anyone telling me I was
breaking any rules. So I feel fortunate that I'm
I've had that opportunity and I've been able to love
women and I've been able to love my husband,
but that's not everyone's story. Some women don't want
to love men, some men don't want to love
women and that's completely okay. So that any other
questions. Yeah. So as far as Mhm.
Now uh grow up considering yourself like I did,
there was a part of me, my father,
he was, you know, my mom ended up
marrying my stepmother who was very wealthy and very much
in the great Pasadena kind of area and my father
was from downtown and from more poverty and Mexican family
. And so I had these two very extreme Holmes
. Um he didn't feel very welcomed once we kind
of moved to Pasadena and had this lifestyle, he
felt ashamed, I think that he was mexican.
Um he was always trying to be the one in
his family to start a business, He didn't have
an education um always coming up with ideas, always
trying to start something for himself and any money he
made, he send it to his family, you
know, and help them out, but it was
almost like he felt like he wasn't going to be
accepted and it's an old school way of thinking for
a mexican man at the time, but it was
like he wasn't gonna be accepted for the job or
he wasn't gonna like he would ask my mom when
they were together to show up with him for like
job interviews because she was like a blonde woman and
he thought it might help him get the job or
they'd respect him a little bit more, you know
, they saw her on his arms and he would
speak spanish to my family and he would not teach
me, he did not want me to grow up
like that. It's kind of sad because I would
have loved to have known that part of me,
I would have loved to have spent time with my
family, I would have loved to have been able
to speak spanish and have that, you know,
amazing culture, be a part of me and he
kind of in a sense deprived me of it,
but it was for his own personal reasons which is
so sad to feel like you have to be ashamed
of and it's what unfortunately did not let my dad
succeed in life. I mean he was passed away
from cancer about five years ago and I watched him
work until the day he died like just struggling till
the day he died. He wasn't able to kind
of take any time and rest. He didn't have
that backing. And it was because he kind of
held himself back by not being him by constantly trying
to be something that he wasn't or being ashamed of
who he was. And it kind of broke my
heart to see that happened with somebody to feel like
just because of your race you weren't gonna succeed as
well, you know, and it holds you back
, you have to just own who you are.
Yeah the demographics white. I have sometimes the family
with the two special needs, the mexican daughter and
the two moms, very white neighborhood. So like
yeah there was a time when I like actually got
it because I grew up with my mom and my
all my cousins and very very family oriented white family
and then as I got older as like there is
a part of me that's like missing here that I
haven't really explored. I am mexican. My last
name is Garcia. Okay my father is not a
mexican. So I think that there was a part
that was like man this has really been pushed aside
. I need to I need to figure out who
that person is and what that part is. And
I was speaking to you earlier and you were telling
me how you went and you got to visit some
of your dad's family and get to know kind of
where you come from and I think it's important.
I think it's definitely the next step in my life
to really go spend some time with them and get
to know that part of me, and I think
it would be important to him because my father loved
his family and his culture, he just was ashamed
of it. And then when you grow up in
a white neighborhood like I did and very it's just
you don't even want to talk about it. So
I think the more you get secure with who you
are, and as I got older and as I
had so many people judging me all the time,
I think I just finally got to a place in
my life where I was like, I just don't
care what your opinion is anymore and this is my
life and this is my journey and I'm allowed to
explore and use my time on earth to figure out
whatever it is I need to do. Yeah,
anybody else? Yeah. Yeah, it's here on
a highlight present day media. Mhm. Oh boy
. You don't want to hear my opinion. Um
The show the first season of the real L.
Word. I think the first season of any reality
show, if you're not a celebrity, like already
a celebrity that goes into having a reality show where
it's just media and they're just kind of funding your
career by following your life. Our show was a
bunch of girls in L. A. Um that
we're lesbians, that we're just really active in the
scene in L. A. Because that's what the
original L. Word was and that's what they were
kind of trying to follow. So they did a
casting call and they casted who they thought would be
the best personalities for the show. Um I was
running lesbian parties at the time and obviously was a
drunken mess that time in my life. So that
was my scene. Whitney had auditioned for the show
, sorry, and then she was casted for the
show. We met right before filming. I remember
her telling me there's a camera crew coming into my
life in about a month. I'm on some show
and I was just like, okay, whatever.
And then when the camera really showed up, it
was like, oh, this is real, there
is a camera crew, you are really didn't know
what was going on. I wasn't and I was
so in love with her at that moment, in
my bliss of drunken lesbian love that I thought it
doesn't matter that there's a camera. It well,
it does matter. And I learned very quickly and
the hard way. Um I kind of ran from
the cameras for the first month and didn't want to
be on. Just kept running and crying and trying
, this is my love and you can't follow it
. And finally, one day at my work um
my boss, it was so funny because I had
been running from the cameras for a few weeks when
we started filming and refusing to sign my paperwork and
I just started a job as a makeup artist that
Planet Salon and my boss comes to me one morning
and says we're filming a show today, it's called
the L Word, you're doing one of the girls
makeups and I was like, and she's like,
say you need to sign. And I was like
, well that's my new job. I'm not gonna
say no, it's on the show doing another characters
makeup of the show that I've been running from.
Sure enough, I signed that paperwork and it all
happened. So I gave in and decided to go
with it and stop running from it. They ended
up filming at so many of the clubs I was
at our bars I was at and people that were
in my life that you couldn't really avoid it at
that time, you were going to run into them
. So to answer your story, the first,
the first year was a little bit more organic and
very much like raw emotion happening and people just figuring
it out the second year after a horrible incident on
the first season being drunk and with the sexual stuff
that went on on showtime, um I realized that
I had a drinking problem. I was blacking out
at the time and I didn't think that it was
the best time to have a camera follow my life
. I didn't want that to be who I was
. So I told them that I was going to
get sober and they were allowed to follow that,
but they weren't going to get the drunk girl,
it just wasn't going to happen. So they agreed
that was fine because ultimately they want drama. They
want you to be drunk, they want you to
be crazy. So the second season was a little
bit more organic and then by the 3rd season it
could have won an Emmy. I mean it was
just, it was You've been on the show for
three years, you know what to do? We're
gonna need you to do this, we're gonna need
you to do that. I know this happened months
ago, but we didn't catch it, so we're
gonna need you to do it today. So as
I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend, I'm reliving
a relationship with an ex at the same time and
one of them is fake and one of them is
real and then it's edited and you have two people
have to realize that when you watch a show you
don't know that person, it is a television show
. You get parts of my story, you get
to understand bits of who I am or whoever it
is you're watching, you don't know them. So
to assume that you do or make judgment like you
do. Please take it as a television show for
entertainment, get what you get out of it.
I think it's amazing that Showtime put lesbians out there
and put love out there and put our storylines out
there because there were some really good stories to be
told um that get lost in the drama of everything
. And I think that if people were just more
aware, especially people not from L. A.
That these shows are tv shows. So our show
ended the third season this last year. I think
that they're going to continue and be going into like
smaller areas and filming real stories. And I think
it's going to go back to being a little more
organic and what it was supposed to be when it
first started which I respect. And I think it
needs to I think there's a lot of stories out
there that need to be told. And I think
creating characters to try and emulate the original L.
Word is just tacky. So I'm happy it's over
and I'm grateful for the experience and I learned a
lot but definitely got my acting chops in there.
Yeah. What do you think about? I think
that in general people love to when it comes to
gay or lesbian anything. What is it sex?
And there's a relationship there there's love. There's a
relationship like everybody else and everyone's mind automatically goes to
sex, the bedroom. If it is the same
sex couple, that's what they're going to focus on
. And that is sad because there's so much more
to a relationship emotionally, especially in a same sex
relationship that can be told other than just wanting to
know what goes on in the bedroom. And I
think it's sad that they exposed so much of us
and that they continue to do that on television.
And I mean we all know sex sells, but
hopefully they get it right. And hopefully, I
mean you get more out of documentaries and movies.
I think when you're really telling a real story,
but I think that the media as we all know
is not out for your best interest at all.
So yeah, you just pick yourself up any other
questions. We've been so quiet. Yeah. Yeah
. Um, if you could go back in time
what advice would you give yourself? What? Good
Lord? So much advice. It's a good question
. Um Everyone asked me if I regret what I
did on the show and if I regret my decisions
which is an obvious I don't I'm not saying this
to be cheesy but I don't regret my life.
Um I was growing up I'm still growing up I'm
still gonna make really bad decisions. Um I think
that the only thing that I wish I would have
known more going in was the story that you're trying
to tell will not be told to a reality show
. Don't allow people to expose you that way.
I gave in a little bit too much with who
I was just to get people off my back to
make a T. V. Show and it ended
up hurting me rather than helping me. Um And
I regret going along with things that weren't true so
that a real story could have been told are holding
back what the producers wanted because I was trying to
help them and just didn't help anybody by doing it
. So I regret more production parts of it.
But going through what I went through on camera,
I have been places where it's helped people are girls
have come up to me and said you know I
have this problem where I'm bisexual or I'm bipolar and
I deal with this or my brothers or my family
or my dad and being able to meet people all
over the world and talk to them and help each
other and be there for them. Was like such
an incredible experience that I'm happy I was honest about
it because those are the people you do it for
. The ones that want to hate and get online
, I could care less about. So yeah,
any other questions. Yeah, Yeah. Um so
I was recently watching a video on post talking about
how the media is kind of creating this narrative of
what it means to be, Especially the particular video
was talking about trans identity. But I was wondering
from your experience, kind of jumping off questions from
growing up here in terms of the show, how
much the creative the production and the people that were
behind the scenes, we're actually LGBTQ. But yeah
, in the broader Mhm. It's a good time
. They the camera crew and the people that were
filming the stories. Every person on the show had
their own crew to follow their story and tell their
story. And they were smart by putting lesbian Cruz
together for each person so that we felt comfortable So
that the people that were filming us, the people
that were with us were other lesbians. And it
made I mean, they're smart. What's gonna make
you most comfortable when you're spending every day with women
, when it comes to revealing things about yourself,
you just become you forget and that's very genius on
their part because you're not uncomfortable. You're not weirded
out by the fact that they're there with you every
single day. Um The men within the company who
do the editing, who do the actual story are
straight men. So yes, you gave me a
lesbian crew to film and get me comfortable, but
the person who ends up editing it is not a
lesbian. Um, so the stories come out,
I don't know, I don't feel and maybe maybe
this is just my opinion obviously, but I don't
feel like the show really represented what the community was
and I don't think it really fought for any kind
of rights or love. I think that it told
some stories that are common, like coming out to
your parents being african american in the community massage and
Franny coming out and Whitney being the player who you
know, finds love everywhere and me being the crazy
girl that's obsessed and confused. Like I think they
created characters, but I don't think they really were
telling the story of bisexuality, transgender queer community and
that still needs to be told and I think people
still want to see it. I think what you
got was an edited dramatic version of a bunch of
drunk lesbians. I do for your entertainment. So
actually, when we met earlier today in the comment
that I felt that for the first time when I
watched the show I would see non fetishized version.
Mhm. Actually, well, you saw intimacy.
I think in the sense that you you saw two
women having sex, but I don't necessarily know that
they showed intimacy. So I think that people were
surprised to see. And I think it was great
that they show men and women having sex on television
all the time and with all the HBO shows and
stuff. And it's very open. And I don't
think you can say we can't show women or men
. You can you should people should see that it's
real that we do make love, that it can
happen between the same sex. And I think it
opens people's eyes that it's not some crazy what are
they doing behind you know, behind the door.
And I think that was awesome. That I wasn't
a show that was able to do that. But
I think that there's a level of intimacy that still
wasn't told. I think it was too much concerned
about, oh, this is too women having sex
south. Any other questions? Yes. Yeah.
Like, Yeah. No. Mhm. You're Mhm
. Ready. Mhm. Yeah. Great. What
, what's coming down the line? You know,
when you get an opportunity to be on television like
I did and to have everyone tuning in, you
obviously, whether people want to say, oh,
your money hungry or fame hungry, whatever it is
, no one's stupid. If you have an opportunity
in your artistic to put your work out there,
I would hope anybody would. You know, um
I'm very creative. I've always been my entire life
, I've been acting and singing and dancing since I
was a kid and always making things and just constantly
coming up with something new. So when I had
the chance to I've worked in fashion and beauty and
music my whole life, I was like well I'm
gonna I'm gonna follow this, I'm gonna do this
. And when I was getting sober, being creative
and creating businesses and working was like the best thing
I could have done for myself, it kept my
mind very focused and it kept me busy in an
area of my life that I needed to be busy
and not so much with the party. It saved
me honestly for quite a few years and turn my
life around just focusing on my work and my art
and who I am. Um I put it out
there, I do my blog, which is tender
Romy. I did a radio show this last year
which we just took a little break from. We'll
be coming back next year with Rose Garcia who is
on the show and it gave us a chance to
be us, produce it, right? It let
people in on who we are and not who the
show made us to be. And it just was
an hour show of kind of recapping what's going on
in pop culture and having fun with all of it
. Um A lot of the stuff that I was
doing kind of hit a wall because my audience and
the people that were following me were lesbians. So
when they decided that they weren't the biggest fans in
me, Well, there goes some of your work
. So I continue to work on what I love
to do. Either you accept it, you don't
accept it. You love it or you don't love
it. But I'm a creative person and anyone who's
creative is going to continue to do it regardless of
people are receiving it or not. So. All
right. right. Yeah. I've made so many
amazing friends from the show, korean KcR family to
me. Rose Garcia, who's from the first season
is one of my best friends and pretty much my
family at this point. Um, I'm so grateful
that I got these beautiful women in my life.
Um, there are a few that I don't speak
to and just because we were on a show together
doesn't mean that we get along or that we want
to be friends and I think we're all adults and
can decide what people you want in your life.
So when the show ended, you just go your
own ways and you keep the ones that you have
something in common with and that you have the same
beliefs as and the ones that you don't, you
wish them the best and continue on. So a
serious thing you took away from your three seasons of
working with. I got to travel. I got
to see europe, I got to see all these
crazy little towns I never would have been to.
I got to meet so many people and just I
just I wanted to travel my whole life and to
have it the way that it was where I was
just going everywhere and being able to fly there and
have people welcome me into their homes and show me
around and get like a firsthand tour of places.
And it really opens your mind. I mean I
highly recommend traveling to anybody who can and it's difficult
and expensive but it just makes you realize that there
is a big world out there and your little problem
at home is so small, so small. So
I'm really grateful for that. Yeah. Yeah.
Hi. Hi. Mhm. I love her the
entire. Mhm. Yeah. Good guys. That's
a good topic. Yeah. What? Thanks Like
. Mhm. Right. What? Yeah. Right
. Some of them it is like don't work.
Yeah. That's sad thing with that too. It's
just one of the most intelligent people that we have
ever had on our show. She's incredible. Right
? Like March. Uh huh. Mhm. Yeah
. Want to be feeling okay. Yeah. Are
then why we did back for it? You might
think. I think that. Yeah. I think
it was sad the way they did it because obviously
we all know I mean the stereotypical like when they
try and like just put an african american in and
now we're very cultured and we have everybody. There's
an asian, there's a black person, there's a
mexican where we love everyone. But it didn't show
like that. Obviously you guys didn't receive it that
way. And I don't think that she did as
well sausages. So politically involved, very much more
than anybody on that show involved. And she works
for the gay and lesbian center. She is constantly
preaching love. She is the most accepting human being
I've ever met. And when she came on the
second season, I think it was well we're gonna
need a black person hair sausage. But then they
didn't really follow her story, right? And they
didn't bring her in with the rest of us.
It was very separated and they remember meeting touch for
the first time. It was my birthday party we're
filming wasn't never aired because most of the stuff doesn't
air, but they were like, oh, this
is Sasha, she's your new cast member. You
guys are friends, it's my birthday. I'm looking
at her like, okay, now we're now we're
friends because we're on the show. Thank God I
ended up falling in love with her and knowing that
she's this beautiful person, they should have kept her
on. I think they pushed her to the back
a lot. Um I think that it was more
for their own, we have a black person on
the show than really telling even what her struggle was
or did she feel accepted or was it easy for
her even within our show? Did she feel kind
of you know, put aside and not in one
? I mean in the photo shoots to like sometimes
they would push the heavier ones to the back or
they push you know, heard of the back or
hide them and it was really hard to see,
you could tell that it was everyone was being placed
where they needed to be placed, but nobody was
really being considered. So I think she should have
come back. I think there should have been more
than just one. I think it should have gone
into her community and everyone's community and like I said
, I think that they focused on the wrong areas
and mind you, it's only an hour show so
they had to chop it up. But such is
life didn't necessarily fit in with everybody. She had
more going on than anybody did on the show.
And they would rather focus on Whitney falling in love
with girls and massage preaching with her girlfriend down in
the middle of downtown L. A. So yeah
, I don't think they portrayed it very well.
Mm. Yeah. I think that matter by letter
. I wish they didn't, I wish labels didn't
matter. I know that people need them and I
know that it's important like even with a group like
this to have a safe place for people to go
and by putting a name on it, it gives
you a safe place to be. We all want
to identify with others. I don't think that there's
enough confidence sometimes and strength within people to just be
them. So when you're secured and have people around
you that are like you, it gives you the
strength. I'm not putting down any of the labels
, but I think that they heard us sometimes and
I know that me saying, hey, I'm a
lesbian like I did because that's what I thought I
was because I was in love with women and my
friends were gay and this was my community that when
I decided, oh my God, I love this
man. I'm gonna go for that by me saying
I was a lesbian actually hurt myself. Like if
you just, you're just you and you love a
woman or you love a man or you have both
or you know, you want to be a man
or you want whatever it is like just be you
. And I think when we get to a point
where it's like that and there isn't a label,
there's not gonna be the clicks and segregation and the
judgment. They're just people. So I don't like
it. I'm uncomfortable saying bisexual, but it is
what the label I kind of can identify with.
So yeah. Yeah. There's a friend, right
? We're kind of broken. Oh yeah. Pasta
always stand still still. No, I lost,
I lost a lot of friends. First when I
got sober a lot because you figure out who are
your friends and your party friends. And I watched
, I mean they dropped. I was like,
okay, I got like five of you left,
let's go. And then when I had them,
and then I was with a guy nobody wanted to
be associated with me while the show was being filmed
, because then what he didn't like me and she's
the main person. Um a lot of people were
very vocal on the last season. They didn't like
that. I was with men and I think people
didn't want to say anything. So if they were
friends with me and they were, you know,
agreeing with what I was doing, then they weren't
gonna look as cool and they hurt me. And
these are people I've been friends with for years before
. There was a show during the show and they
went the, in a sense, it's so sad
to say like chose a side. Um, but
people do that. And then when the show is
over and you know, lately, I've had a
lot of those people come back into my life and
I forgive you should always forgive I love them.
They they're allowed to be in my life. And
it's like what do they say? Like you forgive
? Just don't forget like I forgive you, I
love you. I'm not gonna forget that when I
was standing alone and needed my support of my friends
. A lot of you guys didn't want to be
associated with me. So some of them were strong
. Rose Garcia from the show has always had my
back whether everyone was looking at me, you know
, because she's my friend. You're friends with somebody
because you love them, not because of who they
love, right? Mhm. Uh Me and rosa
from L. A. We didn't become very close
until the show, but I ended up having the
tightest relationship with her out of anybody. Which is
completely ironic because we are complete opposites. She's a
wild animal and the most lesbian person I've ever met
in my life. So, but we managed to
be the best of friends. Yeah. So looking
at your commentary on whether or not labels matter and
then this idea that you've sort mm bill that marginalization
folks that whether or not they don't fit into the
l energy and especially our, you know, on
my no sexual limits are ability to move forward.
Oh, completely. It's limiting us. I'm I
just think that right now it doesn't look good when
you're asking everybody to look at you as a community
that's here about love. We are, that's were
preaching love, This is love. This isn't about
who I'm having sex with. I love this person
, I can't control it. I love this person
except that, acknowledge that. And give me the
right to do that. And people are looking at
you and they're trying to decide if they accept this
or not. But then where in the community placing
people and putting labels and causing hatred in dividing it
. You can't grow and ask for something with when
you still don't have it together yourself. And I
think that there's a lot of judgment, a lot
of labels, a lot of prejudice within it with
how gay you are, how straight you are,
who can go where, who can go there and
people should be separated by personalities or interest. You
know, I like science. That's why we're gonna
go to science plays right? Like art. That's
why I'm going to the art place, but not
I'm this gay, you're this gay, you're not
gay enough, you're too gay, you're too straight
. I mean, I went I said that I
went to gay pride last year to support gay rights
and love inequality. And I was asked why I
was there and that just made me think you're holding
you're holding everyone back by still having that mm state
of mind. Like you're holding your you're not representing
very well. Not that anyone needs to represent,
but it just takes us back. It shouldn't matter
. So I don't like I don't like the labels
and I learned that the hard way because I was
the first to put labels on myself. So I
had to learn to remove them personally. So yeah
, question. Okay, good Lord, what's next
for roaming kids? I got a guinea pig.
I don't know if you follow me on social media
, but I got an amazing guinea pig. Um
, no kids right now. I'm still growing up
, my husband still growing up. We just got
married. we're into our second year and we just
we have us to work on right now and right
now it's a it's hard to have kids. Good
laura, that's a whole new challenge. So I
think let me just a master trying to have a
good, healthy relationship right now and work. I
just keep on struggling and hustling and it's all I
can do and be grateful. I have a job
every day. Yeah. Anything else? Yeah.
Okay. How do you convince people? It's ok
to love regarding how to convince people? I think
just by it's so tacky, whatever, but like
your actions speak louder than your words. So people
that did have something against me or were very vocal
have sometimes come back to me and said, just
seeing your love with your husband and that it didn't
end the day the show ended and that it continued
and that you guys are happy. Just showing people
your happiness is the best way to show that that's
love, this is what it is, this is
who I am and like I said, I'm not
here to prove anything. I'm just here to be
me and everybody needs to just be them, that's
all. I'm not trying to like do anything other
than that, so Mhm. Is that it?
Yeah. Said you traveled quite a bit? Where
do you live now? 11. No, I
live in Long Beach. So I work in L
. A. No, I hate L. A
. Um I'd live on your campus if I could
. Um It's beautiful here, I, my husband's
from Pittsburgh and so he's East coast and so he
really loves the beach right now and he doesn't want
to leave it. Um I beg him every day
. But I work in L. A. I
do work in fashion, I do celebrity styling for
moods of Norway. Um address all different celebrities for
events and stuff in suits. Um And I drive
there from Long Beach because I don't want to live
in west Hollywood ever ever again. So I drive
to my little beach community which Long Beach is incredibly
gay community to if you've ever been to Long Beach
, it's got a huge community, it's a cool
cool of town. And then I drive to work
and I drive back, my family lives in Long
Beach. My mother is my best friend. So
yeah, I would love to be kind of in
the middle of nowhere. I could live on a
farm with a ton of guinea pigs not going over
real while at home right now. So any other
questions? Yeah. Yeah. Living in LA and
working. Mhm. And I know it is a
very space material. Oh yeah. Mhm. Self
winding down world, I am blessed to have been
raised around the industry. My stepmother was a music
producer, I've been around kind of Hollywood or whatever
since I was a child. Um and then I've
worked in fashion and beauty and I've always just,
because it's where I'm from, so I'm not too
jaded in that whole thing and then being on the
show and getting to taste like the tiniest amount of
celebrity because of that um when it was all over
and I worked just like everyone else have a normal
job, I'm not kim Kardashian, I'm not rich
, there's there's none of that. I'm, you
know, I think that you realize that so much
of it just, it's just stars and dust and
everyone is just going to work and even the celebrities
that come in, they're going to work on their
set their jobs. So you start to just look
at everybody like this is your job. It's an
awesome job. You're doing what you love. But
you know better than me, you know different than
me and by removing myself from it and going home
to kind of away from it, don't get lost
in it. I'm not struggling to be famous,
I'm just trying to work. So I think it's
easy to move there and get lost in it and
be real hungry if you're not from L. A
. And you just get in there and you get
a taste of it. You can tend to get
that little like I gotta have more, it's not
healthy so I just try and separate myself from it
. Mhm. Yeah, comment that I that I
get a lot is like oh you don't look,
Oh God. Yeah. How do you think that
one click back? Think like fashion and style?
Yes. I didn't mean anything. I mean when
we did the show, people were like lesbians don't
look like that. I was like, well they
do, they do in L. A. They
don't look like that everywhere. But in fact they
do look like that in L. A. Um
Every area is different. But they're lesbians were upset
that they were too girly or they, you know
, what does a lesbian look like? Is there
supposed to be a look that a lesbian looks like
? I thought it was about loving somebody. I
didn't know that we had to all have my haircut
and wear converse like I do and I'm here,
I am married to a guy and I still dress
casually budget times. You know, it doesn't matter
, it doesn't matter what you dress like. It
doesn't change who you love. And some some people
are very masculine, some very, very feminine.
And you shouldn't be able to tell what someone's preferences
just by seeing them walk down the street. You
shouldn't have to know. So you don't look like
a lesbian. Just kidding any other questions. Is
that it? Are you just standing? Yeah.
Okay. All right. I don't know. Yeah
. Thank you guys. Thank you for having me
. And now we're going to have the president acute
. Uh huh. Yeah. Hello. Thank you
for flying all the way past expert. Thank you
, Ella. And also thank you to our host
are watching from flat for clients. Right? Thank
you because I really don't. Yeah. So on
behalf of the Women's Center, multicultural programs and service
the Office for Diversity inclusion Q pocket bt. A
lot of people put this together and I wanted to
give a shout out the brain grass. It was
over there. He answered every one of my annoying
emails and handled was great walking into his office at
random times Black Creek. Yeah. I like to
thank the L. G. P. A.
For advertising thing. Making sure people who are here
. I'm glad to see us. Yeah. Yourself
. Thank you. Mm. Uh huh. What
I think. Thank you. Thank you. My
first Emmy. So now so cute. Oh my
God, it's so cute. It's my first award
ever. Thank you. Or just come over at
all 8:00. Thank you. Thank you guys.
Uh huh.